Staying

I ask myself why I stay in the Catholic Church. Organizationally and publicly things are not going too well for us. But I am a guy who likes my flesh to be touched. I like hugs from friends. Hugs touch my flesh. Holy Communion touches my flesh. I put the host in my mouth and eat it. For me, I am connecting to God when I do this, and it is in flesh. I like the idea, for me, of touching God. Maybe God likes touching me too. Anyhow, God is supposed to be in the host. I don't really ask the question, "Why stay?" I ask, "What holds me." The whys are so much mental efforts, and I was never a Catholic because of organizational structure or even theology, beyond the sacramental touching. I am a flesh-feeling Catholic I guess. When I visit the sick I don't just ask "How are you doing?" or talk about this and that. I touch them with my hands, with oil. This is the Catholic part I like best. I could be close to God by reading the bible and many people do that, but the book does not touch me in the flesh. Many times, when I receive communion I like to sit down and feel, not just think, "Wow, what just happened!" God at work.